Casual Sex

So, today as I wait for my love to call (it’s early and she isn’t up yet, better to wait then awaken) I am thinking about casual sex. It’s an odd thought as I truly hope to NEVER have to deal it again. Why? Well I could say it’s because I love my lady, and that is the biggest reason, but far from the only one. See the thing is back in the day (which is to say my 20’s) I somehow became the guy people complained too. I say people because it wasn’t just guys or girls it was both. I have maintained that status (although to a lesser degree) to this day. A large percentage of the complaints were, are (and probably will continue to be) related to casual sex (CS). Not the sex it’s self mind you, but the after effects. After listening for years I have a small list of things to think about in regards to CS. It would be best if you though of them before having it, but we all know you won’t until after. If you think of them during you are doing it wrong any way so stop and go home.
First, “casual” means no strings. That means don’t get attached. If you are getting attached it’s no longer casual. This goes for both sexes. If you are trying to jump start a romance by jumping in to bed, it’s not casual. I’m not saying you can’t start a romance this way. Sex can actually be a good way for two people to get together, but if you call it casual and are expecting anything past breakfast you are going to get hurt. I blame the person who gets too attached in cases like this. Ladies if all he promised was a night of passion he is not a jerk for only giving you that. Guys not all ladies fall in love after a night of passion don’t expect her too.
Second, “casual” means one night in a given month. Ok it doesn’t have to be a night and the next morning can be considered a continuation. However the second time you have an encounter with the same person that close together it’s becoming something, and the third time it IS something. What that something is depends on the people involved, but if you don’t discus it with you new partner in whatever, it will become a mess. I have listened to SO many complaints caused by this in my life. This is both sides fault as well. See thing is we humans like to be paired up and we like sex, start combining those thing in an even slightly regular basis and both brain and body adjust to the convenience. You interactions have now moved out side the realm of casual, and ignoring that will cause pain. Make all the excuses you want, you are now “involved”.
Third, “casual” means dangerous. The only place in life where those two words can mean the same thing is sex. If you don’t know the various medical reasons (like death and birth) then stop having sex altogether (or don’t have sex if that’s appropriate). However there are other dangers as well. Crazy people!!!!! If you don’t know your partner that well, he or she may be what the British folk like to call a “nutter”. One night of passion can lead to years of stalking. If you are lucky it’s only a creepy “leave notes and collect hair type” as opposed to a “kill you slow for not loving me right” type. I been complained to by people who were acting like stalkers, I have heard their madness and it frightened me. It can not be reasoned with.
Forth, “casual” often means no “discussing” and in sex that is BAD. Not talking to you sex partner is NEVER a good idea. Even casual sex should have some talking involved. If it doesn’t you have only yourself to blame. A lack of conversation also greatly increases all of my third point. In my heart of hearts I believe that guys with VD and girls with issues that lead to stalking both purposely try to NOT talk.
So after that what’s my advice on casual sex? Don’t have it. Hook up with a “friend with benefits”, masturbate, or start dating. I’m not saying that humans aren’t capable of having casual sex, with out trouble. It could happen, but most the people I know who might be able to handle it, are in relationships because of bad experiences with people who weren’t. The odds of you a) actually being able to handle it and b) randomly hooking up with another who can are astronomical against you. So my advice, just don’t.
This advice is free and nonprofessional, so take it as you will. However know that if you complain to me about ANY of the above I will be laughing at you behind your back at some point in time.
Bradleyman